Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Attention: The Deadly Drought

News Flash: There is a deadly drought going on, causing some men and women to commit dignity suicide when it comes to pursuing another of the opposite sex. This epidemic is spreading ramped through bars, night clubs, malls and even some churches. It’s causing regular self-respecting citizens to become overly “thirsty” for the attention of the opposite sex. It’s actually quite frightening because once one is affected by the outbreak they won’t stop at anything until they have conquered what they want. The days of the low-key, mysterious guys are over, the times of the mild-manner sexy yet classy women are over, it’s open game now! In order to protect yourself from the thirsty vagrants on the loose, let’s go over the signs to look out for: 1. If you notice someone at the bar and they send you over a drink, come over to you, tell you their life story and then invite themselves to hangout with you for the rest of the night: Thirsty! 2. If you run into an old flame and then the next few days you realize that you were moved back into their speed dial category also known as the “dig-up”: Thirsty! 3. If women are at the bar fighting over who is going to buy the one cute guy a drink: Thirsty! 4. If you met a guy at a party and give him your number and he blows your phone up all that night way into the morning hours with hopes of getting up with you that same night: SUPER THIRSTY! These are just four examples of what to watch out for when you are out and about. You need to also be able to recognize whether or not you, yourself are Thirsty: 1. if your entire crew has been with the same person yet you are still trying to get with that person: you are thirsty. 2. If you have been told numerous times that you will never be more than just a friend yet you still try to be more than that: you are thirsty. 3. If regardless of your taste, you take the loudest, most unattractive person home because it was easy: you are thirsty. Be responsible and don’t let friends go out Thirsty. Be careful to spot out Thirsty Packs, these are crews of thirsty people on the prowl; you may have to reject the entire crew by the end of the night. Beware; the thirsty will try to steal your man, woman or anyone that you may be interested in. If you see a Thirsty person getting a little too close to your man or woman, simply throw a glass of water on them, protect your mate! This has been a public service announcement.