Monday, August 24, 2009

Fake Emotionals

Hey Fake Emotionals, I don't need your feelings. How about you keep them to yourself where you can make believe all by yourself. Only Real Emotionals from now on...


You ask why I'm called Sunshine...
Well its because my smile lights up any room and its also been known to melt hearts. My true light shines brighter than the sun and twice as bright as any star at night. I don't see the clouds because I'm walking on them. My laughter is contagious and my hugs are irresistible. I can appreciate a good joke and not afraid to tell my own. I welcome excitement and adventure and am always wanting to try something new. I am the life of the party and know how to get it started as well as keep it going. Sunshine, yes that's me!

Monday, August 17, 2009

Mind Power

I've been doing some cut backs lately in a lot of different areas: socially, financially, etc. And while trying to explain my will power to someone today I thinking of ways to put it in a "nice" way and could only think of words that made no sense or that could be taken out of context. With my dilemma in trying to convey that in conversation, I was the only one that found humor in it; however later that night I get a message from my sister who asked me to define a word that she made up. Ironically the word was one of the very same words that I conjured up earlier to explain myself to another....who'd knew we were thinking up the exact same explanation that same day with the same word! But wait it gets better...Preparing for bed, I was burdened with an obstacle I'm up against and while trying to get it out my mind, I thought of something someone said to me and I picked up my devotional book and started to read. Well the chapter was on exactly what I was struggling with and it provided great inspiration on the matter in which allowed me to focus on going to sleep at a decent hour for once....But wait, I'm not done! Typical me, I awake in the middle of the night/morning and not being able to sleep I start listening to my ipod and allowed the songs to get my mind wondering. I start to think about someone in particular for no apparent reason and begin reminiscing on our past encounter and as I start to doze off, I'm startled by my phone (which is usually on silent once my lights are out for the night) sending a chime acknowledging that someone has sent me a message. Yes, it is from the person that I was thinking about at that moment (who would usually be sleep at that time of morning)....go figure!
What a day, I wonder what tomorrow will bring?...

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

How Does Love Feel?

If it feels good, it's usually to good to be true but why do we constantly subject ourselves to pain only to say that this is what love is. We love the thrills of the emotional roller coaster and the love/hate bumper cars. A true connection is never felt until one person is drained of all emotions. Then what's left? "We have been through so much together or we have been together all this time" yes that's all, time...time spent, time gone and only life's lessons left to learn. When will we except that true connectivity is based on attraction, common goals, interest and the peace that two can bring to each other and not the drama or time that keeps us bonded to one another. Let go and allow yourself to receive true deserving love.

Her Aching Heart

She gave you her heart but you didn't cherish it. When you abandoned her she fell into the arms of another but her heart was still with you. She begged for the love and attention that she could only imagine wanting from you but you denied her and she pulled deeper into herself. She tried to fill her void of you with her career and other things but her heart remained with you, aching. She tried every conventional and unconventional way to get through to you, but failed at reaching you. Her unsuccessful attempts left her feeling lonely, unwanted, and curious as to whether she was good enough, pretty enough, or smart enough. Although with you, she lost her strong confidant self and became overwhelmed with loneliness, her heart still belonged to you. Now that she had the strength to leave, she lies awake at night contemplating what she could have done different to make you love her the way she needed. Awaking with a failed relationship, failed career and diminishing self-worth, her aching heart still belongs to you.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Love Me or Leave Me Alone

It would have been easier if you said you didn't love me anymore. I would have been able to live with the fact that you couldn't stay. The pain that I would feel when you said goodbye would eventually fade unlike the pain that I have from your unfulfilled promises and the false hope you give me when you say things will be different. Not receiving your phone calls would sting a little but not like the electric shock I feel when we sit on the phone with nothing to say; conversations so dull and empty. Not feeling you next to me in bed would feel cold and lonely but it wouldn't be as much agony as laying next to you knowing you aren't fully there. I would shed thousands of tears after your departure but they can be easily wiped away with a kleenex instead of me longing for you to wipe the one tear that falls down as you pretend to listen. Melodies of love songs would haunt me on the radio after you are gone but they will soon be tuned out unlike the soothing rhythms that I play for you, hoping that you would see how I feel for you. Answers to your whereabouts would become systematic instead of random excuses of why you weren't by my side. My heart would then sadden at the thought of a future without you but it would still be more clear than fantasizing about the future that you never saw with me. So yes, I would rather you let me go now than to hate you later.

Monday, August 3, 2009

After The Thought

Silly dude, don't you know that your replaceable? Cutting you out of my life was as easy as cutting a grey hair out my scalp. What part of "deleted from contacts" didn't you understand? It was a simple decision, one with out much thought or hesitation. You were here one day and you were gone the next simple as that. We don't need to discuss the particulars of how, what, when and where; its over and nothing more to say. You felt as though you were always an after thought, well are you happy because as of now there's nothing left to think about.

Please Excuse This Me

Pardon my smart remarks, excuse my dismissal heart and don't take offense to my memory lost of what we had, as I am suffering with a miserable mind. Please believe me this time when I say its me and not you. I've done all I could to prevent this, never wanting you to feel as if I didn't love you or I didn't care. I am subdued right now in a new state of being which I cannot control. Please understand that I would give you the best of me if I could, if I had any left to give. You are worthy of knowing the true and not just at the receiving end of a fake smile.