I’m Back

Thanks to a very close friend who’s known me since the high school jammed locker days (you know who you are) other friends and family that believed in me and saw something that I failed to, prayer and writing, I can safely say that I’m Back! With lip gloss poppin and BlackBerry in hand, I’m ready to attempt to take over the world again. In the past “trying to take over the world” has been my answer to the simple everyday question of “what are you up to?” Loosing so much in so little time is a very humbling experience and I’ve learned so many great lessons. When asked how I got over things, I simply reply that I can’t be Pitiful and Powerful at the same time. It’s true when they say you can block your blessings. I for one know that it makes no sense to pray to God and genuinely thank him for your mere existence when in reality you question that same existence that you are thankful for. I want to be sincerely thankful for being alive, healthy, and blessed to have so many who love and care for me. Being depressed (although natural) only defeats your sense to find peace in any situation. Believe me, it’s much easier said than done but I truly can say being grateful beats being sad any day. We have to remember that time is so precious in anything in life and the time that we spent being depressed and wrapped up in our troubles is time that we can never get back and time that we have lost not being able to make the situation better. I may only be back in a small way now but I know I’m destined for greatness. I can say that I’m back because I demand to be back, I command to be back!

Status Quo

Looking out the corner of my eye…
Don’t ask me what I do, what side of town I live on, where do I worship, or what I drive, What’s it to you? If I was selling something that you needed, I would have already told you what I did. If we were splitting a cab then you would know exactly what side of town I live on. If I honestly thought that you could benefit from where I worship without judgment or a closed mind then maybe I would tell you, and unless you are my Allstate Claims Agent then it’s none of your business as to what I drive, it could be a spaceship for all it’s worth. If your curiosity of me was genuine or for networking purposes then that would be different but if your curiosity is a simple nosey ploy to judge me based on simple material things or facts that don’t paint a true picture of my character and personality then keep your questions to yourself. This is inspired by the person giving me the up and down as they await the same questions returned so they can sing their own praises. Funny thing is I’m not easily impressed; again, let your actions speak louder than your arrogant words.

I Gotta Catch The Beat...

I am a beat junkie. When it comes to music especially Hip Hop, I find myself falling in love with a song just based on the rhythm and beat without even knowing the lyrics. This of course is why Music Producers get paid to do what they do best; however, the “hot beat” often times masks the insanity that some rappers these days rap about. I’m disillusioned into liking these songs. I find myself dancing to them, exercising to them, perhaps even downloading them before I even realize that they are talking about and then say to myself, “no they didn’t just say that!” Later I find myself sulking down in my chair as I read on the internet that Cornel West or Jeff Johnson has called a boycott due to the exploitation in a song that I was just bobbin my head to in the car, if I only knew the words maybe I would be outraged too. I’m often times disgusted with the guy on the street that calls me “lil boo” and says he wants to “pop a rubber band” on me not realizing that those words were from the very same song I was jam’n to in my car earlier. R&B usually has lyrics of substance to console a broken heart, reunite lovers or express woes of love sick individuals but even R&B beats can be so enticing alone. Just look at what we’ve let R. Kelly get away with for years; singing about being jungle animals and getting his hair braided, Really Kells? So it brings up the question of whether or not the Producers are what’s “hot” and not the artist? Could they be music’s secret weapon? Just think about it, even the artist with longevity has turned to new producers to revamp their careers. I love music and will always listen so producers keep doing what you do, but to the Writers and Artist, can I get a song that I won’t be ashamed to know the lyrics to?

The Virgin Surgeon

The Virgin Surgeon…hmm sounds interesting I bet. So I met this Surgeon, how refreshing to meet someone other than a Music Producer, Real Estate Mogul, Party Promoter, Mortgage Lender or “Entrepreneur”. No offense to those (I’m one) but let’s be honest those are a little bit harder to take seriously after Vista Print lets every person who decides on those titles to print 150 free business cards; but that’s a whole other blog in itself. So this Surgeon proves to be a Virgin slowly and surely throughout our encounter. A virgin to words as he stumbles and stutters and at times said nothing and just stared, hopefully it was my beauty and not my breathe but none the less, awkward. A virgin to personal space as he felt the need to touch my arm too many times for comfort and thought that his smile would somehow mean more if it was 2 inches away from my face vs. 2 feet away. A virgin to interpreting body language meaning that my steps backward were creating more space between us and not inviting you to come closer. A virgin to “No” as in not interested in talking anymore, not going to join you on the terrace, never will I go home with you and “No” is actually my kind way of saying “Kick Rocks!” Whether or not he had experience in any other areas of meeting and or dating a woman, I don’t know and needless to say, was not trying to find out.

Operation: Get A New Social Life

What happened to a good old fashion "line up" and for those who don't know, a line up is a series of events or venues that you attend to enjoy a social setting. The whole point is to keep the evening moving by having several places to go in one night with the hopes of them all being a great turn-out and the next being even better than the one before. You may know them as bar or club hoping, parking lot pimp'n, showing your face and my all time favorite and which I use most often (which is mostly true) would be networking. My friends and I would list them as operations such as: Operation Martini Bar or Operation Get In The Party Free. I know I have been out on a long Haidas but seriously, has everyone disappeared? Has the party chariot came and went off to glory without me? I just can't except the fact that people that enjoy similar music and similar crowds are all hiding out until someone sends them an email to "the hottest event" that they will ever attend. Why can't we make the nights buy gathering people and visiting different places and enjoying the atmosphere without it being called a party and without there being a cover. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate what the Promoter's do and being one in the past myself, its isn't easy to ensure a nice event with a great turn out and to actually see your sweat and tears turn into a profit; however we (as in Fabulous Young Professionals) shouldn't wait for that email, to get a new outfit, spend money at the door and bar only to see the same people and hear the same music. We should make every night "the hottest night" even if it means having an impromptu line up that consist of going one place for dinner, another for drinks, another for music and another for conversation. I don't want to follow the same crowd to the same places that are getting too familiar and quite frankly too whack! That's just my complaint but I guess it won't matter until I do something about it...but if I put too much thought into it then I'm charging too! No free before...

My Kind of After 5

I am a self-proclaimed Vampire, without all the gross blood sucking of course. I say this because of my sleep patterns or lack there of. I've noticed that I get my best sleep (hopefully the one that gives you the beauty rest) between 5am and 9am. I don't know what it is about this time but it's lights out and hello la la land for me. Not to mention my lack of long well rested sleep, I am also the biggest dreamer I know. Which of course wakes me up still fighting off evil, saving countries or even better laying next to a strange man that must be my dream lover because I'm smiling ear to ear even with my eye mask still on. At night when I attempt to fall asleep (depending on what sleep-aide I had available) I mostly lay there thinking of what I didn't get to do and what did I really do that prevented me from doing what I wanted or needed to do. I also make mental notes of my next day's to-do list, or even start mentally typing emails that I need to send or what I will blog about next as if I am recording myself and will know exactly what I was thinking the night before. After I'm determined that my worries or excitement wont stand in the way of my sleep, I turn my phone off, equip myself with my ipod for continuous mellow sounds, pull down my eye mask and pull the covers over my head (I know sexy, right?...) and then 10 minutes later I find myself trying to remember whether or not I called my mom back, set my alarm clock, brushed my teeth, yada yada and then the cycle starts all over again until I look at my clock and say this is CRAZY! But again, there is hope after 5am...Hello la la land!

Sister F

As you sit in your favorite chair, toss one of your many hats to the side and place your reading glasses on your nose ready to read this…I hope you don’t feel as old as you look. Your visits were always a highlight in my life. What would you bring me, where would we go and what fun story would you have to tell. I awaited your visits as if you were on the same level as the Tooth Fairy or Santa Clause. I knew that everyone would be excited and for that time, all get along. Even at my early age, you were always so fascinating to me. I would pretend to be you and often dream of going the places you’ve traveled and meeting interesting people as you did. There was never a dull moment with you. You always made me smile took me to see things that I hadn’t before, showed me off to your friends and let me do things that mom would never let me. Your life excited me and I couldn’t wait to grow and try it all for myself. Despite your changes and the reality that you are in fact human, I’ve always thought that you were an extraordinary woman. From your beauty inside and out, you have been somewhat of an idol for what I wanted to become. As I learn my own way in life, I still carry with me the inspiration that you have shared through your life. We may not always agree and now that I am older have my own way of seeing things but I want you to know that you have always been the sister that I most wanted to be like. Funny, Fascinating, Fabulous!

Be About It

Make a lasting impression from what you do and not from what you say...

Change

Change comes so rapidly yet not soon enough. Change is inevitable. How do we really embrace the change that we seek and once fulfilled are we truly ready for what change brings? New beginnings, new challenges, new promises and new responsibilities. I vow to except change and all its many forms. I am determined to respect change through some one's struggles to be a better person. I will allow change to shape and mold me in what I hope to be.

Words of Life

It’s amazing how I hear God without conversation. Words are life, love and lessons. I speak life into words, I love through words and I turn life’s lessons into words that comfort me and hopefully others. So many have saved my life through words, sent messages from God through words, and loved me through words. I receive clarity, direction and comfort through simple words of others with no intentions. I am saved through God’s grace by the unspoken words of a summer’s breeze, a quite storm or a star filled night. Courage comes through the weak and joy through the young. Smiles of unknown infants to give that last bit of needed strength, common polite gestures to take away the weight of the world. Speak words of life into someone’s heart, write to give someone hope, pray to give someone strength and sing to give someone peace. A word of life, love and lessons; something that we all need, want and yearn for.

New Beginnings

It’s said that the number eight represents new beginnings. Given that, it is the eighth month of the year 2008 and I am faced with a starting over. Ironically I didn’t realize the whole numerical coincidence until I started typing. Being a woman of change with the motto of “what’s next” I must admit that this time is quite different. Three years older from my last beginning, I carry a little more wisdom and move with a little more caution which was never a word I liked to use before. This time I am equipped with strength to endure the forthcoming storms. The past years that made me also beat me up a little as well. The F-word meaning the opposite of faith often creeps in my thoughts when I am about to set out for a new challenge. I believe this time I will let God guide me and trust that my circumstance is only an arrow leading me to the next step and nothing more. Right now I have the map but still not a clear path. In order to make the journey with a little more ease, I will have to really think about what I am going to carry with me. Being older and wiser also means carrying a lot of baggage whether good or bad. I must determine what’s worth holding on to like great memories, experience and even the hard lessons that I learned in the past. Along with the good, I must determine the bad like disappointments, sorrow and heartache. I can only move forward and only look back to bring others with me but not to dwell on the past. I look forward to completing my 2008 and the new beginning that it will bring.

Words of the Last Tear

What’s the point of a relationship? I always thought it was a partnership between two people with a bond in sharing similar dreams and wanting the best for each other. If I only confide in myself, talk to myself, keep my own deepest secrets, dreams and aspirations; shouldn’t I be in a relationship of my own, as in just be alone? If I feel as if I need to hold my feelings in, manipulate the “right” time to talk, and take on my worst fears and worries alone, what’s the point of calling you my partner? Just as I want to share my greatest accomplishments, I also need to be able to share my greatest disappointments and mistakes. I need to be able to know that you are there for me through the good and the bad. I need to feel that when dark clouds arrive, you won’t just be there with an umbrella but you will be willing to stand in the rain with me. I need to know that my ridiculous idea will become your ridiculous moment of pride in me. I need to feel that you are truly there and that there is really a “WE” in the we can do it statements that you make and not you do it and I will watch from behind. My expectations may be way too high for your thoughts of a partner in a relationship but I need your emotional support more than any amount of money in the world. Should I just accept that you will never know what your hugs mean to me? Should I accept the fact that you will never know that I drive fast on the interstate with all the windows down so the brisk air can dry my tears and with the music as loud it goes, no one can hear me sobbing. You will never know that I turn the bathroom fan on and turn the radio up as loud as it can go so you can’t hear my crying and praying in the shower at night. You will never know that every time I pull into the garage, I often wonder what it would be like if I just put the garage door down while the car was still running…would you even come to check? I guess you won’t ever know that many nights when you are fast asleep, I am lying inches away from you wiping tears away trying not to make a sound. You will never know that days when I just need you to look into my eyes and know that I need you, a touch, a smile, anything; that I type these letters to myself that you will never see nor ever understand.

Love Language

One of relationships biggest challenge is understanding one another. Are men and women simply speaking different languages or do we just want to be loved the way we love? If it’s true that we speak different languages, then how do we translate to each other? Do I keep speaking my language and hope that he will eventually catch on as when you here si’ over and over in Spanish, then you finally realize that it must mean yes? Or do I just learn his language and hope to one day teach him mine? It’s quite a frustrating mystery. I think it’s a contradiction of The Golden Rule stating to give unto others as you would have them give unto you…well with love, we often times love others as we would want to be loved but in a lot of instances that may not be how the other person wants to be loved or even consider love. How horrible do we feel when we go out of our way to show someone how much we love and care about them but they simply don’t respond or under mind what you just did to express your feelings. Well we could look at that from the other side and say how bad do we feel when we are looking to hear those three words, to receive those roses, to feel that warm hug and kiss and don’t. Maybe the other person thought that sharing their last piece of gum solidified their true feelings, that calling you before half-time or paying for lunch was the ultimate declaration of their love for you. The signals can so easily get crossed when two people aren’t speaking the same language. One may feel unappreciated or ignored while the other can feel neglected and used. How do we give love in a language that we don’t understand? And how do we acknowledge love in a language we don’t recognize? Relationships face so many challenges already and not understanding each other is like having a deaf person and blind person trying to go to the movies and then out dancing; one will never see the big picture and the other will always be on a different note. Maybe we should come with an instruction manual just in case the men… I mean either party doesn’t quite listen to what makes one tick in the first place. This is a requirement of getting to know someone, what do they really want? If the answer to that is clear then at that time it’s up to the person to decide if that’s something they can handle or not. If my love for roses comforts me when I’m down and you feel that would be a problem for you, then maybe you aren’t the person for me. If I can’t understand that when you are upset, you like to go for a run then maybe I am not the person for you. Buying you a new pair of shoes that you like may not help you get over the stress at work just like washing my car may not help me get over that letter of rejection. It’s key to understand that affirmations of love should always be acknowledged and appreciated; however it is important to know that sometimes it’s more than the “thought” that counts. It’s the understanding of your partner and showing them that you understand what they need at that particular moment because at the end of the day, that’s what counts the most!